Thursday, December 23, 2010


I was restless in the morning. I was agonizing over our decision. I decided that we could change our mind at the very last minute if we wanted to. On the ride up, I asked Matt if he was having second thoughts. He said no, what about you. I said yes, every second. Once we got to the hospital, I regained my strength. I knew we were doing the right thing for Jacob. He would have to forgive us. Maybe he would thank us one day. But once Jacob was taken away, I clung to Matt and sobbed. He said that we had to be strong for Jacob. And we were.

When I woke up today, I couldn't believe what we had done, but not in a regretful way. Always a mix of emotions.

Jacob moved his legs this morning and squeezed my hand some more. They will probably remove the breathing tube this morning. He has opened his eyes ever so slightly. He just needs the pain medication and rest for now.


  1. Beth and Matt-Sending love and prayers to you guys. I'm so glad he is doing well.

  2. It doesn't seem possible to feel profound fear and promise at the same time. That's why it's a nightmare-miracle.

    I'm happy you're at least getting little reassuring movements. For whatever reason...when Trevy opened his eyes and reached for me after his grid heart felt a little relaxed. A LITTLE. Because at least he knew who I was. It may not have comforted him...but it did me.


    Keep him as medicated as he need to be to make it through the next couple days. The nursing staff tried to get us to wean pain meds quickly. I was like...are you kidding? And I don't regret keeping him comfy for awhile...


  3. HI the best Chriswtmas present we all could have asked for and gotten. Hang in there the best is yet to come!!! Love auntie Louise and uncle Billy..all my friends here and away have called and asked and read your blog,,,