Thursday, June 28, 2012


Over summer vacation last year, I relied heavily on a fabricated Walmart pool with a slide. I rarely went to the beach alone and never went for the day. Neither Matthew nor Jacob knew how to swim and Jacob often fell in the water. Going to the beach was dangerous. But this year, Matthew is swimming and Jacob is more steady. The danger is still there because when Jacob falls, he does not react, and would let the waves rush over him if I wasn't there to scoop him up. He is also extremely disoriented when he looks down at the sand and sees the waves roll up on the shore and then retreat back into the ocean. What he sees with his eyes and what he feels with his feet makes him dizzy and prone to falling. Even so, Jacob jumps on the waves more than he falls and Matthew is a fish so I actually like bringing them to the beach. It also helps that Grandma and Grandpa left their car and accompanying beach sticker for us to use while they went on vacation:)

Tuesday, June 26, 2012


"Mommy, has eye keem atter eat my dinner?". (Mommy, can I have ice cream after I eat my dinner?) Eight words in a row. Cause and effect. He is turning the steering wheel on the tractor by himself. He can reproduce "sad face" whenever he wants to get what he wants. He sings aloud, by himself. Mostly the alphabet and Frere Jacque. He squats with a baseball glove to field grounders, and misses. He climbs into the car by himself. Still no potty training really. He can't pull his pants down. He can't aim for the toilet. He can't get onto a potty seat. He doesn't want to anyways. He wants his diapers. He still has trouble feeding himself. I think he was supposed to be right handed. He still sleeps in the king sized bed. We have been reluctant to move him anyways. I will never allow him to "cry it out" because he is so stubborn that he would cry for hours. I mean it. And I am pregnant again so it's not as if Matt and I are never alone:). Everyone asks where we will put the baby... The crib where Jacob was supposed to sleep is still in Matthew's room. We have plenty of space for a few years. I am about 14 weeks along and have been gong through a series of genetic tests because of my ethnicity and also because I am of advanced maternal age. I agreed to the tests simply because my new obstetrician is thorough and with what I know now, I would rather be prepared. It is certainly not an overwhelming fear though. Fear is no longer in my life.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Just Keep Swimming

I signed Jacob up for swimming lessons a few months ago - the one with the bubble. I figured that none of the children knew how to swim so he was no different. I left his Benik brace on his right hand to be sure the instructor would notice that he was different, but I did not share how he was different because I was confident that Jacob would be able to hold on to the side of the pool. I already knew he could kick and I knew he had strength in his arms. But had I not pulled him from the water, he would have drown. He was afraid and the instructor was not experienced. I asked if there was someone who could assist him in the water and the following week, an intern was assigned to Jacob. He screamed and cried for me for about 20 minutes of the 30 minute lesson. The intern was not prepared to handle him. And so I withdrew Jacob from swimming lessons. I was given a prorated credit with the stipulation that the credit would be used for private lessons. I had already spent months trying to work out a schedule with the adapted aquatics instructor, but it was impossible which is why I signed Jacob up for the regular swimming lessons. Anyways, I went in last week to sign Matthew up and asked to speak with someone about this stipulation. When I was explaining why I withdrew Jacob from swimming, I thought I was going to cry, like I had just chipped off a piece of his dignity. He's three years old in the beginner swimming class with a bubble, just a step above the Mommy and Me class. Teach him how to swim God damn it! But no. Then I would have been missing a piece of my own dignity. So I called Jacob's pediatrician for a referral to aquatic therapy in Providence. Hasbro Children's Rehabilitation is wonderful and the pool is heated.