Thursday, July 28, 2011
I Love Him
Since Jacob's hemispherectomy we have been at "wait and see" which is certainly better than "hurry up and wait" or "running scared". But the work is never done. Never. I am constantly reflecting upon Jacob's progress and where he should be, could be, or needs to be because where he is at is in itself the product of endless contemplation. Do not misinterpret as dissatisfaction because in fact I think Jacob is the most perfect being. His body however must be challenged and his brain must be driven to do his will. He is a busy boy and has so much to do. Speech. His vocabulary is growing, his articulation is improving but I do believe that he has expressive aphasia. This is not because of testing but because I know what he knows, what he has experienced. I know that he is intelligent. He has more to say. Mobility. His foot has healed. He still has all of his teeth. He will be stronger. He will be faster. He will participate in all things boy. I used to question at times if my motivation was a form of denial, an unwillingness to accept any prognosis. But I am not in denial. My only motivation is Jacob because he doesn't know and if I have done the work, he never has to know.