Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The Gift

Matthew said his bedroom was creepy. He was waking with nightmares about bad llamas, coyotes, and a monster with green eyes looking at him from behind the closet door or under Jacob's crib. For a few months, he would join us in bed, on the couch, or I would tuck him in to the love seat. Sleep interrupted. Since Matthew was born... and then Jacob... there has been nursing, gas, vomit, explosive crap, teething, breathing, seizing, ear infections, more milky please, urination, constipation, lost my binky, snake shadows, scary noises, coughing, foot in my butt, and general anxiety.

Matt and I decided then to convert Matthew's toddler bed into a "big boy" bed, literally, because it is a full size bed. And magically his room became awesomest. And it was not creepy. But he wanted Mommy to sleep with him. Matthew has been sleeping on his own since he was 9 months old until lately. Jacob slept in his crib for a month here, a week there.

I parent by instinct, by what I feel in my bones and in my gut. That's how I know when I've done something wrong or I've done something right. And my bones and my gut have begun sleeping in the full size bed - after I have laid in my king size bed until Jacob falls asleep.

So now to the gift. I was thinking about what makes Jacob so special. I think it is the way he loves. He loves everybody but not in a universal sense. He understands his relationship to others and the purpose they serve in his life and he loves each and every one of them in a very unique way. He loves his therapists for example and his teachers and his family and his doctors. And so when it is time to go to sleep and he looks at me and says nigh nigh and kisses me behind his binky my bones and my gut feel that he loves me like no one else.

The crib will continue to double as a bouncy house.

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