Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I believe that I am more melancholy about Jacob's 2nd birthday than his impending surgery. Sometimes I fast-forward to age 5 and imagine him running and jumping and learning in school. But at the same time I want him to be a perpetual baby. As he gets older, his disabilities become more apparent - more disabling. I have no idea what 5 will look like. I'm afraid to see it because what if it is not what I have imagined? As long as he is a baby he has no need for words and "Mommy-do" everything. Don't misunderstand. I have never been afraid to let him try to do for himself. I have never been afraid to see him struggle because I always imagine success at the end. I am full of hope. I guess it's the waiting that troubles me. Are we there yet? Will we be there at 5 or will it be 10? You know that I will wait. What else can I do?