A.J.B.

Aiden Joseph Borgueta is three weeks old today.  I truly have enjoyed every moment with him.  I am afraid to squander the time because I have few memories of Jacob as an infant prior to six months of age when his story began.

I have probably had post-partum anxiety with all of my babies, but it manifests in different ways.  With the birth of Matthew, I experienced paranoia, believing that people both known and unknown to me were plotting to steal him from me.  My mother, my sister, the cars driving down the hill with their headlights peering into our picture window...  When Jacob was born, I felt some resentment towards him because Matthew would no longer be my baby.  I was not ready for Matthew to be a little boy and when we came home from the hospital, Matthew seemed as if he had grown dramatically.  The same happened with Aiden's arrival.  Both Matthew and Jacob seemed gigantic to me.  Jacob was not my squishy, wet-mouthed little boy anymore.  He was a big boy.  My only sadness has been that Aiden is likely our last child and he is so wonderful that I don't want his infancy to end, which is why I am enjoying every moment with him.

Aiden was born on December 21st, the day before Jacob's two year hemispherectomy anniversary.  I cannot believe that it has been two years.  I have virtually stopped cataloging the gains that Jacob has made because the list would be extensive.  He is speaking in sentences.  He rarely falls down.  He has friends.  He fights with his older brother and is jealous of his younger brother but expresses love for both of them.

There was a time that I thought he would never stop having seizures, there was a time that I thought he might die during surgery or thereafter due to complications, there was a time that I wondered if Jacob would ever be able to live independently, if he would find someone to love him, if he would have children of his own.  I don't wonder anymore.  He is thriving.  Everyone loves him.  And he has a baby - Aiden.