Friday, April 9, 2010
As we approach one year since Jacob was diagnosed with Infantile Spasms, I am grateful for the progress he has made. When Jacob was seven months old, I was preparing myself to love a different child because according to his pediatric neurologist, if the Spasms persisted, Jacob would become detached and eventually would not know who Mommy and Daddy were. Was seven months old going to be the last that I would ever know Jacob as he was? So I am happy. But I am also unsettled from Jacob's EEG a month ago which showed a modified hypsarrhythmia pattern, characteristic of Infantile Spasms. So while I celebrate his accomplishments, I am always looking for something. I am looking for all Jacob all of the time. What I am seeing is Jacob most of the time. Then there are a few periods of time during the day that Jacob is not there, although his arm is not thrusting forward and his eyes are not rolling to extreme corners. He is not there and I am haunted by this.